6 Steps to Addressing Unsolicited Advice
Pregnancy often brings out opinions and advice from everyone around you, whether you ask for it or not. When I asked on instagram how many people have gotten unsolicited advice about pregnancy or birth, 82% of people said “yes”. While most of it is well-meaning, it can sometimes feel overwhelming or even anxiety-inducing, especially when advice conflicts with your own preferences or your birth plan. So, how do you handle unwanted advice without causing tension or discomfort? The key is setting clear, respectful boundaries. Here’s how you can navigate these conversations with grace and confidence.
Step 1: Understand That It’s Well-Intentioned, but You Don’t Have to Take It All In
Most of the advice or stories you’ll hear are coming from a good place. Friends and family may want to share their experiences, thinking they’re being helpful. It’s also probably therapeutic for them to have someone to share with. If you enjoy hearing their stories, that’s great! However, what worked for them may not align with your preferences or situation. It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of your pregnancy and birth choices, even if others are eager to offer their input. Since many people have experienced pregnancy and birth, there are many opinions out there. This doesn’t have to impact your beliefs and desires.
Step 2: Politely Redirect the Conversation
When you feel advice starting to head in a direction that doesn’t serve you, it’s perfectly okay to steer the conversation elsewhere. Try a simple response like, “Thanks for sharing that. I’m glad that worked so well for you! I’ve been working closely with my care team, and we have a plan that feels right for us.” This acknowledges the person’s input without opening the door to further discussion. Sometimes ending the conversation is the best option for ensuring you’re not causing more tension.
Step 3: Be Clear About Your Preferences
If certain topics—like labor horror stories or negative experiences—make you uncomfortable, it’s okay to say so upfront. You might say something like, “I’m really focusing on staying positive about my birth, so I’d prefer not to hear stories that might make me anxious.” Setting this boundary gently but firmly helps prevent future uncomfortable conversations. Everyone has different comfort levels for what they want to hear and what is helpful for them. Making this clear to the people around you helps them understand what your comfort level is.
Step 4: Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially when dealing with family members, but it’s essential for your mental and emotional well-being. You don’t need to feel guilty for protecting your space. Remind yourself that you’re making decisions that are best for you and your baby. For example, if someone keeps offering unwanted advice, you could say, “I appreciate that you care about me, but we’re feeling good about the direction we’ve chosen for our birth.” On the other hand, if you’re seeking advice, it’s totally okay to ask for it! Setting boundaries will help people understand what you’re comfortable with and what you’re looking for.
Step 5: Lean on Your Partner or Support System
Your partner or birth team can be a helpful buffer when dealing with persistent advice-givers. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the amount of input you’re receiving, enlist your partner to help reinforce your boundaries. This can be as simple as having them step in with, “We’ve got it covered, but thanks for the suggestion!” It takes the pressure off you and shows a united front. Discussing this ahead of time with your partner and support network will help them step in seamlessly in times of need.
Step 6: Focus on What Makes You Feel Empowered and Know When to Walk Away
Ultimately, your pregnancy and birth journey are about what makes you feel empowered and comfortable. It’s okay to limit your exposure to advice or stories that don’t resonate with your goals. Feeling like you’re getting too much advice from people you follow on social media or family/friends who are always wanting to share? Unfollow those people or limit your time taking in what they have to say. Pregnancy and Birth are about learning what’s best for you and sticking to it! If someone consistently disregards your boundaries or continues to share unhelpful stories, it’s okay to step away from the conversation. You don’t need to engage in discussions that make you feel stressed or anxious. A simple, “I’m not really up for talking about this right now, but thank you,” can be a respectful way to end the exchange.
Stay Confident in Your Choices
You’re in control of your pregnancy and birth experience, and it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries around the advice you receive. With kindness and clarity, you can handle unwanted advice while staying focused on what feels right for you. Remember, the best advice is the one that supports your confidence and peace of mind as you prepare for birth.
It’s your journey—trust it.
